Who Botches The Watchmen?
Let’s talk about Watchmen!
If you haven’t read Watchmen: you may not want to read on, because there are minor spoilers in in this entry.
(Also) if you haven’t read Watchmen: please, make it a top priority in the coming months. Not just because I believe it is a beautiful work of fiction, but because any element of surprise will be ruined for you once the movie comes out. Even if you’re not planning on seeing the movie there are plot devices and dialog that will fuel internet memes for the next century. Within six months of the movie’s release America will be overwhelmed by Peter Griffin’s poorly paced conversations with Rorschach and unhappy sitcom wives comparing themselves to Sally Jupiter or something. It’s going to be terrible; gestate the work now while it’s still tolerable.
Watchmen is huge. For me, it was the gateway to Russian literature. I think I was ten or eleven when I first read it. I had been buying tons of Batman books, amazed by how Batman not only lacked superpowers but was also kind of a dick. I asked my local comic book store’s owner (his name was Tom; I can’t believe I remember his name) for recommendations. He said that Watchmen was like “a whole team of Batmen” or some bullshit. I’m sure he could barely contain his fanboyism as a potential convert was within his grasp. Now that I think about it, what kind of guy sells a book about sexually repressed anti-heroes to an eleven year old? No wonder I went goth so early.
Being completely oblivious to that book for a number of years, though, and then nonchalantly purchasing it on a whim… man. It was an experience. I think it’s one of those big moments that will always stick with me: losing my virginity, watching Blue Velvet for the first time, meeting my true love, graduating from high school and discovering Watchmen. Crazy.
As I went from “say, Batman is pretty keen!” to “would Ozymandias’ last monologue be considered a revisionary mythopoesis?” with one trade paperback, I craved more. Other comics weren’t good enough. I grabbed books off my parent’s shelves… I went for the thick ones first, because they had a better chance of containing some meat. Don Quixote, Bleak House, Moby Dick, Tom Jones (in that order!); I recall moving on to a Clockwork Orange, Notes from the Underground, and the Brothers Karamazov at some point before finally settling on Nabokov as my personal hero. I was book crazy! From there I got into film, then painting, then experimental music…
It’s worth noting that when I was eleven years old I wanted to be a lawyer. Now I’m an unemployed artist with an awesome beard. So if you had to trace back a point of deviation for this mirror universe, it’d be when Tom from Pyramid Comics in Levittown sold me a copy of Watchmen decades ago. I don’t think that comic shop is there anymore.
Anyway: the issue at hand.
If you’re reading this blog, I’m sure that you’re aware how our people feel about licensed video games. In short: they are bad. When I had heard that there was going to be a Watchmen game to tie in with the film version, I was very afraid. A few possibilities entered my mind…
Thankfully it’s not that bad. The Watchmen game (creatively subtitled “The End Is Nigh”) is actually an episodic brawler. Alright, that’s still pretty bad. But at least it focuses on events alluded to in the original graphic novel. Players take control of Rorschach or Nite Owl as they battle members of the Topknot Gang throughout the streets of Brooklyn. You know, there’s a reason that these things were only alluded to in the book. Maybe it will, despite being of a somewhat stale genre, excel in the gameplay department? Here’s a quote from the December ’08 issue of Electronic Gaming Monthly, which, according to the spine, is “The Rorschach Issue”…
While the fundamental controls are pretty basic (fast attack, heavy attack, throw, and, depending on the character, block or evade), the potential combos are layered and deep, and the finishing moves are brutal–provided you enter the appropriate quick-time commands when prompted. Additionally, the fighting mechanics are designed so that button mashing will suffice for novice gamers, but more skillful play offers greater rewards, like Rorschach’s counterattacks.
Sweet! Quick time events? Combos? Finishing moves? It’s like they distilled Watchmen to it’s very essence. Wonderful. So, let’s break it down with bullet points.
Watchmen: The Novel is about…
- the manifestation of power in sociological context
- the delusions of Reganism
- visual language as an extension of content
- the motivations of modern cultural archetypes
Watchmen: The Game is about…
- pumping out a Streets of Rage clone to tie in with Watchmen: The Movie and Watchmen: The Lunchbox
Putting aside my personal feelings about Watchmen, I’m mostly perplexed by the need to turn every intellectual property into a franchise. The typical merchandising campaign is spread across so many industries that quality assurance becomes difficult and creative control is nearly impossible. For some properties it may make sense, as Transformers and G.I. Joe are envisioned as franchises and engineered to make as much money as possible in any form. But do we really need a Big Lebowski action figure or a Sopranos bowing ball? If you can be convinced that these tie-ins exist because someone is passionate about the property, you are delusional. They are manufactured because large corporations want to profit off of your enthusiasm.
Licensed video games are especially hurt by this due to the sheer amount of work required. Games that are anything above mediocre take a lot of people, a lot of time and a lot of freedom. Being tied to a license and held to a one year turnaround is a recipe for disaster. Consider: a developer could spend six weeks perfecting a physics system for vehicle suspension only to be told by the license holders “we dropped the car chase, make that section of the game a skydiving level instead.” Do not forget that video games as a hobby almost went away completely as a result of such constrictions.
In the specific case of Watchmen, attempts at building a franchise seem inappropriate. This is a fairly heavy work with subject matter way beyond that of the normal summer blockbuster. I think a good rule is: if the movie you’re making contains a rape scene, don’t manufacture action figures for it. Seeing little kids with Heath Ledger masks on Halloween was weird enough. There’s also the fact that the mass marketing of Watchmen characters was addressed in the book itself.
I’m going to guess that the marketing people have never read the book.
At best, the Watchmen game is going to be a decent brawler that has no business being called Watchmen. I’m curious what will be the next in line for the ill-suited game treatment. If this, of all things, can get a licensed game, where can you really go from there? Lolita: the Official Game? Oh, wait… that’s already a whole genre. Thanks, Japan.
Many proponents of gaming have long speculated as to what the Citizen Kane of video games will be. Considering what Watchmen has done for comic books as a medium, I think that’s a more appropriate comparison. It bothers me that if, a year from now, I ask someone what the think the Watchmen of video games will be, they’ll most likely reply with “Watchmen? Dude, that game sucked.”
Postscript: This is mentioned in the EGM article, but a Watchman game already exists. Not only that… it’s actually quite good, most likely due to the involment of Alan Moore. That’s right: Alan Moore signed off on a game based on his work. The kicker is that it’s an RPG. You know, like, a real RPG… the kind that requires imagination and interacting with other people and basic math skills. Mayfair Games published a sourcebook in 1987, along with two scenario modules–”Taking Out The Trash” and “Who Watches the Watchmen?” I have the modules but have never come across the sourcebook for a reasonable price. There were also lots of lead miniatures to go with it, which I would love to get my hands on. It’s crazy meta, as well; check out the scan below.
