I just flew from Phoenix to Philadelphia and boy, are my arms tired! That’s from gripping the seat in pure terror for almost five hours due to my overwhelming fear of aeroplanes. I can’t say that watching Baby Mama during the flight with nothing but white noise in the left audio channel made things any easier. However, I am still alive, which I guess lends credit to the whole idea. And trying to figure out the lift-to-drag ratio of the sixty ton object that was carrying me at 37,000 feet was quite humbling. Or something.

I now find myself living in a new state (where it’s goddamn cold) looking for work. My personal belongings are traveling separately, arriving sometime in early November, if at all. That leaves me with a whole lot of free time and nothing much to do. Thankfully I’ve brought along a nice stack of distractions, which I will now outline for the benefit of absolutely no one.

Final Fantasy III (DS) – I can honestly say that I do not enjoy this franchise, but I remember enjoying it at some point. I buy every iteration hoping it will be the entry that finally justifies my nostalgia. After all, I sunk many years of my youth into these sorts of games, and I even remember thinking that the stories being told had some form of merit. Oh, to be young again! This specific game isn’t all bad, as it eschews any sort of character development and focuses on relentless level grinding. So, really, if you’re looking for some monotonous task to keep your hands busy while watching daytime TV, you could do worse. Or you could learn to crochet. It’s practically the same thing, except when crocheting you end up with something that can keep you warm in the winter. New motto: “Power Leveled Characters Won’t Keep Grandma From Freezing To Death.”

Ace Attourney: Phoenix Wright (DS) – Despite owning every North American release in this series, I have yet to play a single one. I read somewhere that they were adventure games and I bought them all without reservation. I tend to excel when placed in scenarios where adventuring is a requirement. After all, not every man can save the earth from being overtaken by a phone company.

Planet Puzzle League (DS) – I absolutely adore this series. You may have previously experienced it as Tetris Attack, Panel de Pon, or Pokemon Puzzle League. There is something magical about all these games, even though they do little to improve on the basic match-three formula. There are blocks, you match them, then they go away. It’s kind of high concept.

Final Fantasy Tactics A2 (DS) – I can’t explain why I’m still playing this. I think I’m stuck in a ‘bad game loop’ — play for a bit, turn it off in frustration, then pick it up again the next day as if nothing had happened. I can’t escape it’s grasp. It’s also worth nothing that this is the same way I completed XIII (although having the ‘open’ button on my GameCube break may have helped that one).

Dialhex (GBA), Soundvoyager (GBA) – I have honestly considered getting BIT GENERATIONS 4 LIFE tattooed across my chest in gothic lettering. I am not joking: the idea has crossed my mind more than once, and I even made a mock-up in MS Paint. I will never share that image with anyone.

Drill Dozer (GBA) – I haven’t tried this one yet, but check out the cartridge…

That’s weird, right? I believe it has some sort of embedded rumble functionality. I suppose Nintendo wanted to sexualize the title even more. Having the avatar be a cute anime girl with a giant red phallus and a game title that could possibly be interpretted as “have sex with people who are asleep” just wasn’t enough. That shit has to vibrate, too.

All Dogs Go To Heaven (DVD) – Let’s, uh… move on.

Densetsu no Stafy 2 (GBA) – I have no idea what’s going on here. I think Kirby turned into a starfish and learned to swim. Even though I can’t understand a lick of Japanese, the platforming is reasonably well done and the few puzzles I’ve encountered so far are quite engaging.

Eternal Darkness (GC) -This one has been in the backlog for a while, and I’m hoping temporary unemployment can help me make a dent in it. I think it’s like a playable Robert Altman movie or something? I have no idea, I just know it comes highly recommended by the Gamestop employee who wanted my money.

Killer7 (GC) – Killer7 is a very important game that very few people talk about. I’ve been thinking about it recently and there’s a lot I want to address, but I need to refresh my memory on some smaller points. I firmly believe that everyone with a strong interest in gaming should try this title at some point… even if you hate it, your life will be richer. It’s heavy stuff.

Hopefully these items will keep me occupied until I either find a job or starve to death. And maybe they’ll end up being valuable barter goods in the event of a complete economic collapse. Or maybe I should just give up gaming and learn to crochet.