The first Gears of War game successfully appropriated the Michael Andrews/Gary Jules cover version of Tears for Fears’ Mad World. The internet flipped the hell out, mainly because no one had ever experienced a video game ad with a soundtrack that consisted of anything other then cheese metal or orchestral massacres. After that, the song stopped being a hallmark of post-punk culture and was firmly absorbed by gaming culture, eventually reaching legitimate meme status. Now, instead of being remembered as a dark wave ballad about teenage depression, the song will be held in the annals of history as an epic tale about shooting alien bug things.

Gears of War 2 comes out next month, and the newest ad ups the ante. Not only does it feature a great song that is severely mismatched with the visual content, but it’s by a lesser known artist: DeVotchKa, a group from Denver who specialize in gypsy rock with a slight folk styling. Sounds like a perfect match for a game with chainsaw guns!

Or maybe I’m just not familiar with the conceptual side of Gears of War and it also heavily critiques various Christian viewpoints, which would make the track a perfect fit. All I know is that I’m really looking forward to having hundreds of frat boys shout “PLAY THE GEARS SONG!” at the next DeVotchKa show I attend.

Microsoft’s biggest announcement to come out of E3 (at least for those of us who can’t fathom why you would need a chain-saw attached to a gun) would have to be the new and improved GUI for the Xbox 360. The old blade system has long needed a reworking; content was difficult to find due to unnecessary nesting, the colors were garish and the entire interface was riddled with ads. Now, when 360 users boot up their consoles this fall, they’ll be greeted with… the Apple TV GUI!

More importantly, Xbox Live Gold members will be able to instantly able to stream movies from Netflix straight to the beast box in their living rooms. No longer does anyone have to suffer through some antiquated and laborious process to display movies and TV shows from Netflix on their televisions. It’s now nothing more than a dashboard update away! The Internet is obviously very thrilled by the whole thing.

Silly me, I’ve been using these physical discs Netflix keeps sending me to enjoy their content in my living room. Maybe I’m the only one who knows about this feature. It’s a secret to everyone.

Gamers hate physical activity. Which is sort of strange, considering that things like soccer and baseball are considered games and very much depend on physical activity. But then again they also deal with teamwork and sportsmanship and not hiding behind an avatar, so I guess it’s understandable that the average armchair gamer wouldn’t see the appeal. All things considered, people hate Wii Fit. Er, people on the internet hate Wii Fit.

In case you didn’t know, the influx of casual games is killing the industry. How is the average gamer supposed to enjoy something if other people are capable of enjoying it too? If a game doesn’t require lightning fast reflexes or thousands of hours of grinding, can it even really be considered a game? Games are supposed to tell emotional narratives about angsty teenagers killing God or heroic rapists slaughtering everything around them. What good is a game that teaches you French or helps you lose weight? No good, says Gamers Of America! The only clear course of action is to take to the metaphorical streets of the literal world wide web and let the public know that regular people shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy video games.

Wii Fit threatens the very ground that gamers stand on. We must fight against it.

Also, I don’t need Wii Fit because I’m already totally hot without it. My mouse arm is, like, huge.